24 People Share The Best Insult They've Ever Heard. Zing!

911? I'd like to report a sick burn.

Source 1, 2, 3, 4

1/24

“If you were any less intelligent we’d have to water you three times a week.” –Pojodan

2/24

“One day during lunch this d-bag was making jokes about a quiet, usually very reserved kid. Kid takes it for about 10 minutes before casually remarking: ‘Hey, do you know what the difference is between your jokes and your privates ?’

D-bag: ‘What!?’

At this point around 30 people are observing.

Kid: ‘No one laughs at your jokes.’

Hysterical laughter ensued and the d-bag was utterly humiliated. Needless to say, he didn’t say much for the rest of that lunch.” –Jeppest

3/24

“Today my coworker said of another one, ‘He’s totally stupid that he could fall in a barrel of tatas and come out sucking his thumb.'” –playsinpaint

4/24

“You couldn’t pour pee out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel.” –SharksInSuits

5/24

“I’d love to see the world from your perspective, but sadly, my head doesn’t fit that far up my butt.” –BaronPaprika

6/24

“Not the most stinging insult ever, but when I was in the Marines, there was this short, skinny, INCREDIBLY strange kid. The kid claimed that he had fought for a prom date by 10-pace-dueling another guy with a paintball weapon.

One day when someone showed up to morning formation looking particularly disheveled, he said (in his thick, southern drawl), ‘Well, you about like the northern end of a southbound mule.'” –drunkenstarcraft

7/24

“My favorite response for years to ‘f*ck you’ was… ‘You’d fall in love and I’d fall asleep.'” –thewriteanne

8/24

“I’m jealous of people that don’t know you.” –Johnnyboy1877

9/24

“It’s kinda sad watching you attempt to fit your entire vocabulary into a sentence.” –salsamander

10/24

My friend is a flight attendant and would do this after the duration of the flight if there were passengers that had been annoying. During garbage pick up she would smile and say, “Youre trash” (which sounded like, your trash), and they would put it in the bag not knowing the difference. –Kayto12

11/24

“I’ve always liked this Irish one: ‘You’re dumb as cow sh*t and only half as useful.'” –Sarandana

12/24

“A few years ago me and some random kid were arguing, and he immediately screams, ‘YAH, WELL YOU HAVE SOME TIC-TAC PRIVATES!’ I looked him in the eye and said, ‘So that’s why your mom’s breath is so fresh.'” –Dav051498

13/24

“You’re about as useful as the share button on an adult film video.” –CollisionTheory159_

14/24

“I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.” –6ft2inchbat

15/24

“I hope you are brought to the top of a cliff by the person you love most in this world, and they push you off. And as you accept your mortality and make peace with it, the moment before you hit the ground, Superman comes out of nowhere and saves you. He then flies into the air, and drops you from even higher.” – Louis C.K –spacecatprincess

16/24

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”

-Winston Churchill –FIsmore

17/24

“I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and poop out a better argument than yours.” –SubsidedSanity

18/24

“I would call you an butthole, but at least they get sh*t done.” –MaximalDOMS

19/24

“If you’re about to insult a woman, tell her to go fix her eyebrows. It will HAUNT her.” –Marineturndlegofiend

20/24

“Why play so hard to get when you’re already so hard to want.” –That-one-man

21/24

“I’ve always loved the simple line that Jimmy Carr once said to an audience member: ‘It’s nice that you’re here though… means it’s a night off for someone.'” colonelbackhand