1. When I was like 7, I was in a hotel where a clown was performing and he asked if any children wanted to go to the front and tell a joke to everyone. I volunteered and excitedly went to the front and realised I had no joke ready so I just decided to freestyle and shouted: ‘What do you call a man who telling jokes to people in a hotel in Devon, south England?’ (which is where we were at the time) everyone was just like ‘uh… a clown?’ But I still didn’t know what the hell i was gonna say so I just said ‘a very boring man.’
Everyone went like ‘awwww’ and I saw the clowns face drop. I have no idea why I said that I mean I was enjoying myself I just panicked and decided to insult the clown. I was devastated afterwards and apologised to the clown but the damage was done and everyone in the hotel avoided me after that.
Jefferncfc
2. I tried to pull my broken car down a hill with my working car using only a rope. Now I have 2 broken cars.
ChristaWhite
3. Shot an arrow straight up in the air & lost sight of it. edit: I survived. It landed about 30′ away & well planted in the earth. I wish I could say I was 10… I was 22.
emc5280
4. I’ll preface this by saying I was 14. I stayed over at a friends house and forgot to bring my contact lens solution. My thinking was, saline is kinda salty right? So I put my lenses in a cup mixed with water and salt. The next morning when I put one of them in…
luv2belis
5. I was at a performing arts summer camp. Some people there got the chance to put on a show for the rest of the camp at the end of the trip. On the day of the big performances, there was a girl sobbing saying her friend backed out and wouldn’t perform with her. She asked if I knew the lyrics to Celine Dions My Heart Will Go On, and begged me to sing while she played the music. She looked really upset and I thought I could half-arse it so I agreed. Thought it’d be easy. Turned out I only knew one line of lyrics. Which were also wrong. So anyways, I go up on stage… (Continued…)
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I sang “Every night in my dreams, I see you, I seeeee you, that is how I know you, go ooon” over and over, while the other girl sobbed while playing the recorder, in front of a hundred or so other kids and camp leaders. Most cringeworthy experience from my childhood.
So yeah: Lied about knowing Celine Dion lyrics, learnt never to lie about knowing Celine Dion lyrics.
Hollywhirl
6. I got engaged to somebody I dated for two weeks.
When I was 19.
That I met in AIT (Army job training.)
We were getting stationed in different places, so we decided to have try long distance.
In separate countries. Before Skype.
We couldn’t wait, so after about 6 months of that, we decided to just get married. So she flew back, we got married, and we applied to have me join her.
Then I gave up everything I owned except two duffel bags and a backpack, and hitched a ride on a cargo plane.
It was then, and only then, that we both realized that we were thousands of miles from home, married to what might as well be a complete stranger. We knew nearly nothing about each other.
Our 12th anniversary was last Sunday.
mccavity
7. When we were playing tag, and I ran across the road so I wouldn’t get tagged.
Yeah, kids? Don’t do that. Having a car smash your leg doesn’t hurt, but you’ll really wish you hadn’t done that.
fckfrink720
8. Moved across the country for a relationship that already failed once.
Whoops.
ghostbags
9. Bleaching my eyebrows.
kb1024
10. I jumped off a moving bus and landed on my face.
Not smart.
jack0rias
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11. When I was around three(before I could swim), I was playing in the shallow end of my uncle’s pool. Now, like any curious child, a question popped into my head: at what point of the pool would the water be over my head? So I went and tested it out. One careful step after another careful step, trying to make sure I knew the exact moment where standing was no longer an option for me.
Well, I never thought about what would happen when I eventually reached the point of no return, and, well, I got there. So, I started to drown. Now here’s the thing about drowning. You can’t call for help. The water chokes you. No air to make noise can come out. There I was, trying to scream for help and no one could hear it. Apparently, my uncle saw me and thought I was fine because I wasn’t making any noise. Lucky for me, my mom knew drowning is a silent killer and snatched me from the clutches of my stupidity.
ncquake24
12. I’m an introvert. Being around people exhausts me. Decided to become a teacher.
HelpImAddicted
13. Eating a ghost pepper with 3 of my other good friends. I love those guys and the video was hilarious. But dear god it was so hot, I’m not accustomed to hot foods, and it completely annihilated my stomach, I felt like I was shitting fire.
Cbolive
14. When I attended my first speed dating event, I decided to wing it with zero prepared material.
“Really nice day today. Fabulous. Sunshine. Who could ask for anything more? Am I right? Got my hit of Vitamin D today. How ’bout you? Excellent! Alright, alright, alright. Having fun tonight??? Yes! Thank you. Its true, these events are AMAZING!!! Seattle sent its best and finest tonight. And you know, the ladies, they couldnt have been more gracious. It’s been an amazing run. One of the most amazing runs ever. The ladies . . . very, very– really, very nice. All of ’em.”
No mutual matches and the comment cards were vicious. One woman called me a ‘faker’ and another said I was ‘vacuous’ and just said whatever popped into my head.
laterdude
15. Lost about $150 in one poker hand, thinking I had a straight.
airforcee
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16. OK, this was my ex-husband, but he was a dickhead, so I’m going to tell it. So, my ex was a PhD-level engineer working at the highest technical levels for a defense contractor. He had actually spoken at the UN about some of the stuff he was working on. As much of a dick as he could be, he was admittedly a genius.
Christmas, 1998 we go to the tree place, pick out the perfect tree, and prepare to take it home by tying it on top of our Honda Accord. Which he did by rolling down the windows and running the ropes through the car. Which was a great idea except he had tied the door frames shut in the process, and he was not of a size to fit through a Honda Accord window, so we had to undo it and tie it down another way. The look on his face when he went to open the car door was glorious.
sirdigbykittencaesar
17. When I was 15, I went to a summer school program. Some kid said he’d pay me $50 to bring a screwdriver to school and unscrew all of the outlets and leave them hanging out, exposing ground wire. As stupid as I was, and as I was only trying to fit in, I did it. I got away scot-free though, thank god. One thing I’ll never do is listen to someone who’s taller than me.
waseemmalik456
18. In year 8 we were doing a drama exercise, where only 3 people would be on stage at any one time, but one had to be standing, one be sitting and one be on the floor.
The whole class was there, and at any given moment a bystander could tap one of the performers to switch place with them.
In the scenario, there was a girl pretending to be pregnant, when suddenly she erupted in labour, she laid to the floor and spread her legs claiming she was about to give birth. None of the other 2 participants interacted with her, I think out of awkwardness. So I took it upon myself to do so, I tapped the participant standing, and entered the exercise
I walked up to the girl in labour and said “don’t worry young woman, I’m a doctor” whilst rolling up my sleeves, and getting really close to her spread legs.
The whole crowd, which were laughing suddenly went silent, and the girl pretending to be in labour just stopped and went wide eyed. Everyone was looking at me, I must have looked like I was really put my hands down their. I just froze for what seemed like eternity. I had no idea how to carry on this daring act, so we both remained there in silence, with her legs to the side, and me creepily bending at the waist with my hands out towards her, until her friend ran and tagged herself in. And I walked in silence back to the rest of the class.
I still cringe at the moment.
night-wing-politics
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19. I had shaved but at my work I saw there was still one hair left to the side of my mouth. I tried burning it off with a lighter and instead burned of half my eyelashes. So on one side my eyelashes were half their normal length.
ZomgKazm
20. 19 years old
Have my high school degree and a TESOL certificate
I was accepted into multiple universities for fall 2016
Have two awesome part times keeping me happy and busy
Drop everything and go to China to “teach” instead
No experience
No knowledge of Chinese language
Not even eligible for a work visa
Agent doesn’t care about legality of anything.
Cockroach-Boy
21. Me, my cousin, and my uncle all thought it would be interesting to see a firecracker explode in water and watch since the fuses were chemical and still went down even in water. It only took about a second after we dropped it into a glass jar that I had the thought, “What if it breaks the glass?” Sure enough, Pop! and glass splinters and tiny partials everywhere. Three people couldn’t put that together that this was a dumb idea.
eternalguardian
22. Who likes condoms? I don’t, I’m a moron but my kids like me.
Themosthumble
23. Asking a girl to marry me after the first date.
WowHelloHi
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24. It was ‘ride a bike to school day’ at my daughters school. So we both did.
I did not bring a lock for her bike.
After dropping her off, i had my bike and her bike to get back home. I always have some rope on me, so i tied her bike to mine and… Quickly discovered that wasn’t going to work.
Then i tried picking up her bike and biking my own bike… Turns out i lack the strength and dexterity to do this.
I admitted defeat, and said, ‘I didn’t think this through’ loud enough that other parents might hear, see, and help.
And one did. Took my daughters bike and dropped it off at my house.
Elfere
25. Don’t know about biggest, but a pretty big one:
Driving around Issyk Kul lake in Kyrgyzstan trying to find a spot to camp (you can camp basically anywhere) in Spring. We’re mainly on farmland dirt tracks, and so rainwater has pooled in dips in the track. Have successfully forded several, and coming to a new one think “No problem, I got this. Vroom”
Plunge into the water and gradually lose traction until we’re basically at a standstill. Throw it into reverse, gun it, back into first, gun it, basically nothing. I’m faced with having to call the rental company and explain to them that I’m sitting on the roof of their car (that I wasn’t really meant to take off road) in a hole in the middle of a field. I regretted everything in that moment.
RuinerOfThings
26. Snowboarding out of bounds in an area where I didn’t know the mountain. That should be enough, but it gets worse. So much fresh powder and it’s awesome, and then suddenly I’m going off a cliff. I know better than to not pay attention to the terrain, but I got lost in the moment. I dust myself off and chastise myself for being an idiot. I keep going down the mountain and get to a cliff/chute. It’s pretty narrow, not much room for error and it’s the only option for moving forward.
I hear some noise behind me and a skier comes up to me. He’s French and speaks with a heavy accent. He apparently followed me because he assumed I was local and he was freaking about about this cliff/chute we had to navigate. There was no room to carve really, so I dropped down and then waited for him to come out. He dropped in, and sort of speed wobbled/tumbled out. Didn’t plow into the rock walls though.
Nobody was hurt, but I really should not have done that alone (to start) and without knowledge of the mountain. For the chute/cliff, it was clearly above my skill level, and I’m pretty decent. Could have been much worse.
Someadventure
27. Driving down a very narrow street with cars lining each side, maximum of a foot clearance either side. The road dead ends. (This road is, for clarity, completely new to me).
What’s also important is I’d only been driving for about a month and a half so was not yet confident as to how much space I need etc etc. See a spot where I could maybe have turned around, but would have been super tight so decide to keep going figuring there would be turning space at the end of the road, since other people have to get in and out of here right? And plenty of cars were facing the opposite direction, so they must have gone to the end of the road and turned around to be parked facing that way.
So I trundle on down and discover to my horror that while there is a turning space, everyone has used it as additional parking. So I have far less space to turn here than I would have had I taken the uncomfortably tight space previously available.
So I had to make what must have been approaching a 50 point turn. It took me 40 minutes and I was crying from stress within ten. Oh and I had an audience of about ten people, which really helped. /s.
But I didn’t hit anyone’s car, so I suppose it could be classed as a success.
Smorgasbjorks
28. I was in grade 2, the teacher asked who knew how to dance? There were a couple of girls who took dancing lessons, back then they were the little girls with curly ringlets and skirts always that bit shorter than the rest of us wore.
For goodness knows what reason I stuck up my hand too. The teacher told me to come up to the front of the class and demonstrate. I hadn’t a clue what to do, so I kind of pranced around for a few embarrassing moments until she told me to go back to my seat.
I definitely hadn’t expected her to make me prove it.
bluelinen