We all have moments where we stop and think, “Wait, what the heck did I just do?” It’s called a brain fart, and it happens to the best of us. Here, people share the most ridiculous thing they’ve ever done on auto-pilot.
1. I spent hours making chicken soup from scratch. A whole raw chicken, herbs, chunks of veggies, all simmering away to make the most perfect soup possible.
When it was finally ready, I set a strainer in the sink, poured it in… and watched as my beautiful soup disappeared down the drain.
Oceanmyst
2. After a long day I grabbed my things and left my office. I got down to the metro and tried to scan my card a few times without anything happening. Then I looked down and saw that I was holding. . . a stapler. I had grabbed my stapler instead of my ID badge/metro card.
I had to explain that to the security guy to let me back in to exchange my stapler for my badge.
Pinkmongoose
3. My route to college takes me past my old high school. Without fail, at least once a year, I’ll turn into the parking lot at the high school, try to park in my space, and then realize I graduated in 2008.
Waiting_for_rain
4. Whenever I take the bus I roll the tickets up into little tubes, habit I’ve had since I was a kid. On several occasions of autopilot gone completely wrong, I have got off the bus, popped the rolled up ticket in my mouth, reached for a lighter, and set it on fire.
Ye_Bastard
5. I’ve been waking up at 4:30 to 5 AM for school since I was about 10. When I was around 12 I woke up, went to the bathroom to pee, took my shirt off as I was peeing and after I was done threw my shirt in the toilet, only to realize 2 seconds later what I had done.
Giovannigiusseppe
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6. Cracked an egg into the sink then put the shell in my food. Stared at the food for a solid ten seconds afterward.
Freezway
7. I used to work 60-ish hours a week when I was a retail manager, and there was one time where I woke up and got dressed, drove an hour and a half to work at 8am, and started preparing to open the store. My coworker arrived and was very confused as to why I was there. It turns out it was a day off for me and I just auto-piloted to work.
Mynameisnotchris
8. Getting out the card to pay for something, putting away your wallet, using the card, getting your wallet back out and putting the card away, wondering why you do this.
Breakinginferno
9. I had mouthwash in my mouth and went to look for something in the vanity drawer. I opened it and out of reflex when I looked down spat all the mouthwash into it. All over cotton buds, bandaids, my nail clippers, etc.
[deleted]
10. Was filling up a salt shaker over the sink so I didn’t spill any salt anywhere. As soon as I filled up the salt shaker I immediately turned it over and dumped all the salt in the sink. It was extremely deliberate and I have no idea why I did it.
Walrus_Spiral
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11. When I was younger my mom bought orange juice with pulp and I hated pulp. So, making a huge deal out of it, she grabbed the strainer and poured all the orange juice through the strainer into the sink, leaving only pulp. Then she got mad at me.
MyNameIsTooManyLette
12. In middle school, I went to my locker to get my books for the last class of the day (French).
Auto-piloted my jacket and bag, went home an hour early.
BetaPiBlue
13. Every time I walk into my kitchen, I open the fridge, even if I don’t plan to eat or cook… In the back of my mind, I always hope I find something amazing to snack on but am always disappointed.
Khoshekh-
14. After brushing teeth I was rinsing my mouth. Usually I would look up, gargle, look down, spit. But I looked up and spat and all the toothpaste water went all over my face.
Tortoist
15. Woke up early and still super sleepy, went to go take a shower.
Stuck my hand, still holding my towel, into the shower to test water temperature.
Something4222
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16. Tried to unlock my front door with my car clicker, laughed at myself. Then tried to unlock my fridge with my work fob. Why did auto-pilot me think the fridge was locked???
TheQueenWhoNeverWas
17. I’m a heathen who makes instant coffee. I opened up a brand-new jar of it, spooned some into my coffee mug, picked up the kettle, and poured the boiling water right into the whole jar of instant coffee. At least that jar of sludge smelled delicious.
Happyavocado
18. Usually, when I drop something, I finish what I’m doing first before I pick the item back up.
For example, once, I bought a grilled cheese sandwich and as I was walking to my table, the entire grilled cheese just slid off the plate onto the floor. Instead of picking it up, I walked to my table first, and set my plate down before returning 10 feet to where my sandwich had fallen. I have no idea why, but my brain just autopilots me to finish doing what originally intended to do.
Shirleex
19. I spent hours on a digital drawing where I only had to draw on one side because it was like mirrored in the middle and what I drew on the left ended up mirrored on the right. Later when I went to brush my teeth I only brushed the left side of my mouth like the other side would automatically get cleaned too.
Josefugly
20. Found my wallet in my sock drawer once. Took me like two weeks and a lot of panic to find it.
Rewind2013
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21. When I was a kid, I needed note cards for some project at school the next day. My mother, wonderful woman that she is, went to Wally World to pick some up for me when I suddenly remembered very late that night. Well, I fell asleep on the couch while waiting for her. She got home with my note cards, woke me up, told me to put them in my backpack and then go to bed.
When I got to school the next day, they weren’t there, but I definitely remembered putting them in my bag. Fortunately for me, a friend had enough extra to share. When I got home, I went to get some juice from the fridge. Lo and behold, there were the damn note cards. I still have no idea how I ended up putting them there.
Modern_messiah43
22. Last week I put an ice cube tray in the oven to freeze. Luckily I didn’t go full brain fart and turn it on.
AbaddonSF
23. Poured my lemonade into a cereal bowl after I had gotten home from school. Drank it like that cause I wasn’t about to dirty up two dishes.
Moyaboya
24. Finished a morning meeting at work, took the train home and almost got there before going “Wait. It’s only 2pm. I need to get back to the office.”
Kreissv
25. Unwrap candy. Toss candy into trash. Stare at wrapper.
DIDNT_READ_YOUR_SHIT
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26. I got contacts about a year ago, every now and then if i can’t see something clearly I bring my hand near my ear like I’m going to lift or adjust my glasses.
Radpandaparty
27. I was working as a studio assistant at my college’s photography lab a few years ago and essentially I helped other students process and develop their film and photos, made sure the chemicals were refilled, the place was clean, etc.
One night I was refilling the stop bath which is concentrated acetic acid. I don’t know what came over me but I opened the container and smelled it. I got light headed immediately and the thoughts “oh fuck I just killed myself” dramatically flashed in my mind.
I called poison control and told them what happened (explaining I “accidentally” leaned over the container and caught a big whiff) and I’m sure the guy on the other line was trying not to make fun of me when he explained I essentially huffed vinegar, and if there was anything to worry about it was the fact I might have singed my nose hairs, nothing more.
Cassiethesassy
28. I was taking a piss before a shower, and my brain decided that one of my socks should go in the toilet instead of the toilet paper. And it wasn’t just a toss either; I threw that sock into the piss-filled toilet with authority.
Drewbray1
29. I worked at a store and I was closing up alone. I had the money drawers on the table in the back and I was halfway through adding up when I had to pee. I went to the bathroom, and grabbed my purse and left to go home for some reason. The way the door worked, I could lock it from inside, but only the manager had the key to get back inside. This was before everyone had cell phones, and I didn’t have my bosss home phone number. I had to wait until the morning and rush in to meet her and apologize. I’m lucky I wasn’t fired.
PancakeSanchez