Remember the good old days when you used to meet your dates in real life? You’d bump into her at a pumpkin patch or an AA meeting, you’d exchange some witty banter, and then you’d awkwardly ask her to go get a coffee with you. And you felt comfortable with each other because you had met naturally, without pretence or expectation. Remember that?
Yeah, these Redditors don’t either.
A few years ago, I dated this girl whose father really hated me. It was a bit odd, because most parents love me (or at least fake it really well). He was just a huge jerk and I always called him on his nastiness. Her parents eventually got divorced, and we broke up a few months later.
About a year later, me and another girl from Tinder had been dating for a few months and things were starting to get serious. We were at the point where she wanted me to meet her family.
Why not? I have no problems meeting them; lets do it! She told me how excited her step-dad was to meet me, as it turns out we both happen to be Kansas City Chiefs fans.
Well, if it wasn’t the same jerk father who had re-married this girls mother.
therealJayT
I went on a date with a guy, and the entire time he was talking about how men are superior to women and how there have been scientific studies to show that “women have an emotional reaction to the color red when they see it. I wonder why he was single…
ilovedawgs
I swiped right on a profile with the name Pizza. Age: 26. All the pictures on the profile were of (beautifully photographed) pizzas, and the description was just one line – Do you like pizza?
I found it hilarious, so I swiped right and texted You know I do!
I got a reply sometime later, asking me what my favourite pizza was. Im a huge fan of Domino’s, and I responded with one of their options.
He asked me where I live. Uh-oh. But just to see where the conversation would go, I mentioned the area next to the one I lived in (which, coincidentally, had a of Domino’s location I used to frequent).
There was no response for a few hours. In the evening, around 6pm, he asked me for my number. I obliged.
Five minutes later, I get a call. (continued…)
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It was from Domino’s, asking me to confirm my prepaid order of a large Mexican Green Wave. I was surprised, but I wasnt going to say no to free pizza. The outlet already had my address (it was linked with my phone number, as I went there pretty often).
Thirty minutes later, voil – pizza at my doorstep.
7PM – a text on Tinder: I hope you liked your pizza.
I replied with a heartfelt: Thank you!
Then he unmatched me.
I matched with Albus Dumbledore.
I was just swiping, ever so nonchalantly, when the beauty that is Albus Dumbledore showed up on my screen:
After cackling loudly for about 6 minutes straight, I got it together and kept swiping. Within the hour, I received a message in my Tinder inbox:
I’m married now, but every once in a while I go back to that Harry Potter-themed pickup line and just laugh, fondly remembering the time Albus Dumbledore and I swiped right on each other.
Katarina Clark-Bingham
While I never really understood what people liked about Tinder, about two months ago curiosity got the better of me and I installed the app on my phone.
I was surprised to discover that almost every girl has tons of selfies and hardly anyone has a meaningful bio that tells me something about who they are.
Anyway, initially I had some fun while imagining dozens of women were swiping me to the left (left = not interested). I had some matches but none of the conversations were meaningful. Some girls would play games or never ask questions. I dont have the patience for that.
On one particular day, a new girl popped up. Somehow I mustve swiped up which is apparently a Super Like. (continued…)
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I got a flashing message: its a match! From her bio, I learned that she worked for the same office at our university that I had just applied to. Thinking we might become colleagues, I asked her about it.
Yes, I am the coordinator, she said.
Still thinking nothing of it, I replied enthusiastically: Cool! I actually just applied for a job there. Already sent my CV and motivation letter and everything.
I know, she replied, I am one of the people who does the interviews. So I might see you there.
Great. Of all the people I could have Super Liked by accident, I picked the one who was gonna take my job interview.
One week later, I walk into the office. The receptionist tells me the name of the person whos going to take my interview. Its my Tinder match. She says someone else will be attending as well, someone new.
I proceed to have one of the most awkward job interviews of my life, with two girls who probably gossiped about me before and after. Nobody mentions the word Tinder. All this time, she mustve been under the impression that I genuinely gave her a Super Like and was now too chicken to act upon it.
I try to focus on why they should give me the job. Its a bit of a struggle to find the right words, which is unusual for me. When they ask me to give them a one-minute pitch, I speak way too fast.
Then, the interview is over, we shake hands and I walk away. On my way home, I uninstall Tinder from my phone. I get a good laugh from my friends when I tell them the story.
One week later, I received an e-mail. I got the job. I felt relieved. I didnt think she would Super Like my interview. Theres never been any mention of the T-word, however. That one is for the swear jar.
Bas Leijser
I’ve been on quite a few tinder dates. Most are pretty standard: dinner and drinks with the occasional hookup.
This girl (we’d been chatting for like a week or so) hit me up at around 10 pm on a Sunday night and said she’d be in my neck of the woods on her way home. Did I want to hang out? I did.
So she comes over, and to my surprise she’s got a bag of Mexican food with her. I throw on some TV, and she busts out a monster bean and cheese burrito and a carne asada quesadilla. Then she asked if I wanted any. (continued…)
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I had already eaten. So this (tiny, mind you) woman puts down TWO GIANT MEALS in like 10 minutes. She just destroyed like two pounds of food.
Then she wiped her face off, grabbed my hand, and rubs it against her boobs. Then she gets up and says, I gotta go. Now you can tell your friends you at least got something out of this.
And then she left, never to be seen again. I’m still in love with her.
StrungoutScott
I don’t use Tinder. However, my roommate loves it, and she’s brought back numerous visitors. Which is fine, except for the fact that our apartment is tiny and we share a room. And also the fact that my roommate doesn’t really care what I end up seeing.
As it turns out, most guys don’t care about having another girl in the room either. Some take it as an opportunity to try and get me in on the act.
So my roommate is my Tinder nightmare.
[deleted]
I went on a date with a girl who had already told her whole family about me before we even met. And she wanted me to meet them in person on the first date. Um. Pass?
WolfofPortland
I arrived at the bar 510 minutes early and started looking around for a place to sit. It was crowded and dark. A guy — who didnt look entirely unlike the guy I was supposed to meet per se, though definitely a bit heavier — waved me over to his corner.
Hey, he said. Its nice to meet you. Sorry I couldnt snag us a spot at the bar.
I was a little confused but I went with it. He ordered me a drink. We made small talk (wait, hadnt he said he was from Maryland, not Chicago?).
Then, there was a tap on my shoulder from behind. (continued…)
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I turned around and saw a man who looked definitively more like the guy I had been chatting with on Tinder.
Guy #2: Alicia?
Me to Guy #1: Wait, who are you?!
Guy #1: Matt?
Me: Oh, Im here to meet him, not you!
Guy #1: Right. Ill just stand by the door and wait for my date, then.
Guy #2: Good luck.
Me: Sorry Matt!
Alicia Kenworthy
This was back when Tinder first came out and wasn’t strictly known as a hookup app. We met and had a great first date. The second date was even better.
Things kept going for about 2 months, until she finally told me she originally went out with me as a Dinner with Schmucks type thing where her and all her friends tried to find the worst Tinder date. We both really liked each other, but I couldn’t get over how things had started.
whywontyouwork
I showed up to the restaurant and waited for about 30 minutes. I ordered myself some food and was about to leave when he texted me: There’s a liquor store across the street from the restaurant. Can you pick me up a couple of six packs?”
I told him I wouldn’t. He said he had decided to play frisbee with his dog instead. I deleted the app, went to liquor store, and bought myself a bottle of wine.
He texted me for a month or so after to tell me he had just bought tickets to see me dance (I’m a retired ballerina and I haven’t been in anything for a few years). Then he texted me an hour after and tells me how great I was on stage. I never responded.
Dating is too confusing. I’m done.
buttermuseum
My buddy isn’t the smartest man. He picked a woman up on Tinder and drove to a motel for a hookup. They were walking into the room when she says, Oh no, I forgot my purse in the car.” (continued…)
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Do you mind if I go grab it?” He says, Yeah that’s fine,” and tosses her the keys. Five minutes later, he walked outside wondering where she and his car had gone.
pointynipples69
I had one match that I had met up with a few times for some casual shenanigans. We finally decided to actually go out together. After we stopped to get something to eat, we were on our way home when she asked if we could stop at a gas station.
I pulled into a gas station about 30 minutes from her place and went inside to get a Gatorade. She told me that she wanted me to leave her there, and she would arrange for someone to come pick her up.
I had a pretty animated conversation with her while we were in the gas station parking lot. I told her over and over again that I didn’t feel comfortable leaving her there. She insisted, so I told her if she needed me to come back, she could just call me and I would.
I get a call about ten minutes and ten miles down the highway later, and it’s from her phone. When I answer, I find I’m talking to a man. A state trooper.
The gas station employees called the police because they saw us ‘arguing’ in the parking lot, and when the cops showed up to talk to her, she didn’t mention anything about how she was the one who asked to be left there.
I cut off all communication after that.
me_llamo_greg
A woman matched me while I was at work. By the time I got home, I had 4 messages from her.
“Are you always wearing a hat?”
“Does it not get really smelly?”
“Seriously, do you even have hair?”
“Oh wait, you don’t have cancer do you?”
I don’t have cancer and hadn’t realised that I was wearing a hat in all my pictures.
TheQuantumiser