Do you have any deep dark secrets that you wish you could just come out and be honest about?
The following Ask Redditors responded to the question, “Are you living a lie?” and if so, “What Is It?”
For more stories, you can find the original thread at the end of the article.
I faked my college graduation.
I got the cap, gown, walked the stage and everything, but no diploma and most certainly no degree. I keep pictures of the ceremony to prove that I’m a graduate, but I’m still 21 credits short.
It weighs on me.
But, I made a deal with some administrators. My college (a reputable state college, by the way) has a lot of dirty little secrets. Some friends of mine and I found out about some Penn State-style shenanigans going on in the locker room. The professor was arrested, the provost, who was covering for the professor, “resigned” and accepted a job at a college in Alaska and everyone just went on with their lives.
After this, and a few others, I had some wiggle-room within the administration.
I don’t like being married to my wife. She is a great person and a fantastic mother, but we are complete opposites and she has many annoying habits. We get along perfectly fine and as far as she is concerned, I do not think like this. I treat her kindly and am the best husband a man can be (housework, romance, all that crap) because she deserves it, but I would not be bothered in the slightest if she walked out tomorrow.
Yes, these are petty. Yes, I am selfish. Yes, I am a jerk. I hate myself for it and get intrusive suicidal thoughts sometimes because of it. I never would, of course, because that would be super douch-ey of me to do.
But that’s the lie I live and the bed I have made.
I can grow a full beard and no one knows about it. I am a woman.
I’ve been waxing and plucking almost everyday of my life since I was 14-years-old. No one knows, I keep it very well hidden.
I’ve tried to tell people and everyone always assumes I’m joking.
Everyone thinks I work with computers and have a really well paying job, what they don’t know is that I grow marijuana for a living and have a really well paying job.
I know many growers and your pay can range anywhere from $500-1000 a week on average and working for a dispensary you can make up to to $300,000 plus per year in extreme cases.
You cannot legally grow and sell in Colorado but you can grow it legally. I work for chain of dispensaries and I am their head grower, so I make $1200 a week. That said before I got into the legal end the most I ever made in a year was $320,000 but that was literally working 60 hour weeks and my health really suffered (trimming can cause breathing problems) so it wasn’t worth the risk.
With my skill set I could make a living nearly anywhere in the world. Anyone who says cash is king never tried buying a house, which is why I pay taxes now and I don’t participate in black market any longer.
Also crap happens that is unexpected. You could loose 3 months of work to a freak concurrence and there is no insurance or prices can drop precipitously. When I first started you could get $3500 on the black market. Now that price is about $2000-2500 from what I hear which is a HUGE difference.
I’m getting tired of my relationship with my girlfriend and there’s not a proper time to end it.
We’re both sophomores in college, living in my parents house. She’s on our car insurance, my parents cosigned for her car, she’s on our cellphone plan, and my parents are trying to get her onto our health and dental insurance plan.
She’s dealing with a lot of stress at work and school and I can’t bring myself to make it worse.
I’m not saying I don’t want her to have these things. She has no family left that can support her and when we met she was struggling with post traumatic stress disorder, having barely avoided being raped by her physically and verbally abusive step-father.
My entire family adores her and are letting her finally get the things she deserves. I had planned on asking them if it was okay for her to move in, but they told me they were going to ask her to before I could even bring it up. My mom is aware of any of our relationship issues and talks to us both about them.
I’m 25 and I lie to my parents about my social life. See, they’re both very outgoing people with tons of close friends and acquaintances and all of my siblings are very similar. I’m more of a loner. I have a few close friends I see once every couple of weeks, but that’s it.
So a few years ago, my parents sat me down and had a long talk with me about how they were worried that I was depressed because I didn’t really go out for anything besides work and didn’t seem to have any friends. No matter how much I tried to convince them that I was fine, they refused to believe me. So I said screw it and I started making up friends, dates and activities. I would make a point of getting dressed up on Friday and Saturday night and then just go do something by myself.
I don’t live with my parents anymore, but we speak on the phone and see each other frequently, so I’ve kept the charade up. I’ll drop by their house to say hi and mention that I’m on my way somewhere. Or feign being hungover at a family event so that I can spin a tale about a wild party I went to. Most of the time I’m either home or at the bookstore.
This has been going on for years and I’ve never gotten caught in a lie. They just don’t understand that I’m not as social as they are and I have no idea how to make them understand it, so I lie.
I pretend I’m happy with my life. In reality I’m not, and I’m sure many other people aren’t happy with their lives either.
My country (Egypt) is in shambles and my girlfriend’s family is making her miserable, and she’s constantly trapped in a whirlwind of problems which leads me to worry.
School is so stressful and I try to do so much, it seems like life kind of sucks the life out of you – you know. At least that’s what mine is doing. Somehow today I just sat on my bed and imagined what life would be like without any stress at all, just for a day.
I’ve never cried so hard in my life.
Everyone says i’m a generally happy person. And I put on an amazing attitude toward everyone.
I actually always contemplate killing myself. Every. Single. Day. The reason I haven’t is because I couldn’t stand having my mother worry about what to do with my dead body.
Besides I would much rather tackle this situation by myself to build a stronger solution instead of relying on someone for help. I want to reinforce myself on how I would like to make myself stable, to my preference. That is how I believe I will get out of this every day struggle.
I also reach out to those who struggle the same way I do. If you feel like you need to see someone, please do. I want to do what i’m doing because nothing else is working for me. I appreciate everyone in my life who has or is helping me right now. But I would rather find another way alone.
My significant other of 10 years seriously physically abused me for seven of those years (and was mentally/verbally abusive from about day three). I finally went to the police a week ago.
I’m still lying about it, telling my family that he “tried” to hurt me this time and it was the first time he’d ever made any attempt. In fact, he’s choked me so badly I thought I was going to die. More than once. And I got really good at covering up bruises and scratches.
I’m failing university and my family thinks I’m doing fine. I went into internet technology out of high school, because I had no idea what I wanted. I liked computers, so I thought I’d give it a go.
Now I’m failing because I hate it, and I feel so pathetic for wasting two years of my life. I can’t keep doing it, but I don’t know what else to do.
There’s nothing I’m good at and nothing I really want to do. I’m lazy and have no motivation. I know all of my flaws, but I can’t motivate myself to improve.
I feel like I’ve created all my own problems, so they shouldn’t be anyone else’s problem. I never talk to anyone about anything really.
I truly feel like I don’t have a place in this world. I’d kill myself, but my family and friends love me too much. I keep imagining my mother sobbing and holding my lifeless body.
I know this should convince me to not hate myself so much, but it really doesn’t.
I just have no idea what to do with myself.
That I really don’t like where my life is.
I hate my job. It pays very well and I have 2 young children, so I can’t just change careers and start again. I once wanted to work in a building like the one I am in now. But I now realize it is just full of workplace politics and soul destroying work.
I wish I had never ever become a parent. I hate being a parent. Please note that I do not hate my children. I would take a bullet for either of them, and they live a life of being very loved and well taken care of. They are very good kids, too. I just don’t want the responsibility, cost and lack of personal time and space.
That as much as I love my family I want them the heck out of my house.
Anytime they’re home I basically hide in my room until they leave. In a way I feel like they are the ones who are holding me back from doing what I want in life.
Whenever they are gone on vacation or overnight I feel free, independent and I actually feel at home. One more year, one year and I will be free.
That I’m not interested in a relationship. I tell people that I have other things to think about right now or I make up excuses about how I haven’t met a girl that’s right for me yet. The reality is that I really want someone that I can share my life with, someone I can be intimate with and someone I can trust. I’m just really scared about leaving myself so vulnerable to someone. Whenever I meet a girl I’m interested in, I never do anything about it because I feel that it wouldn’t work.