(A woman who had gone through my line earlier that day came up to me.)
Customer: “Give me back my g****** keys!”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Customer: “My car keys! Give them back!”
Me: “I wasn’t aware that I had them. Ma’am, are your keys lost? I can get someone to help you find them if you want.”
Customer: “No! I know it was you who took them! I put them up on this little tray *points to the tray next to the debit machine* “and when I got home I couldn’t find them anywhere!”
Me:”When…when you got home? Ma’am, did you drive home?”
Customer: “Well, duh! What kind of idiot are you? Do you think I’m poor?” *gives a disgusted look*
Me:”No…how did you get back here, ma’am?”
Customer: “I drove here, of course!”
Me: “With your car keys?”
Customer: “Yes! Now give them back!”
Me:”Ma’am…if I had taken your car keys, would you have been able to drive home and back here?”
Customer: “No! But I know you took them!” (I then notice the keys shining in her hand.)
Me:”Open your hand please, ma’am?”
Customer: *upon seeing her keys in her hand* “Oh, you little witch! What did you do, ‘magic’ them back into my hand?! What kind of store lets witches work for them?!”
Me: “Ma’am, I’m not a witch…but you are a complete stereotypical blonde!’
Customer: “Oh, how dare you! I demand to speak to your manager.”
(My manager, who is a Wiccan and has been listening to this exchange for the past few minutes, comes up behind me, playing with her five-pointed star necklace.)
Manager: *in a mystical voice* “Well, hello there, earth-walker. What can I do for you?”
Customer: *sputters curse words and quickly storms out*