It all started innocently enough. Twitter user @bednarz had a simple, fun question for London’s museums of Science and Natural History.
Little did he know he was about to spark an online battle royale between two groups with vast reserves of historical and scientific trivia knowledge – and apparently also vast reserves of time. Little did @bednarz realize he was about to become the Gavrillo Princip of the Great Nerd War of 2017.
The first salvos from Science and Natural History were fairly tame.
Okay, fair points made on both sides. Let’s call it a draw.
Joking! Would Kanye tap out after just one round? No. So why should anyone else?
Natural History decided to draw first blood with a picture of a vampire fish that should ensure every night at the museum is a sleepless one.
So Science hit back with their own creature from the black lagoon.
Yikes. I don’t know enough to say whether that thing is real or not, and if so what it is. But I know I don’t want it to be part of my world.
I’m honestly less scared about the Trumpian threat of nuclear annihilation.
*Ahem* Your rebuttal, Natural History?
Wait a minute, is that seriously a cockroach? It looks like one of the aliens from Independence Day.
At any rate, nuke beats rock, paper, and scissors. But cockroach beats nuke every time.
And what beats cockroach?
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Boot. Boot beats cockroach. Or, if you live in Harry Potterland, “welly” beats cockroach.
That’s a good point. Cockroaches are like the opposite of Highlander. In this rap battle, Natural History is bringing the pyroclastic flow.
Wait, that’s an O.G. fire truck? No wonder London burned down. I wouldn’t trust that thing to snuff a candle.
Oh no, they played the Targaryen card. When in doubt, you can always count on dragons to keep your entire network in the black. Dragons and nudity: the great equalizers.
Oh, snap! The bathyscaphe was the submersible Jacques Piccard and Don Walsh used to reach the Marianas Trench, the lowest point on the surface of the earth.
Fun fact: the bathyscaphe was the first bath ever taken by a Frenchman. (I joke. I haven’t showered in like… 3 days.)
Okay, I’m not sure what kind of unspeakable monsters used to live in the oceans of the ancient Earth, but I’m also not sure I want to find out.
Wow, I really need to brush up on my scientific knowledge. So far, this is the most educational beef in history. And it’s just getting started.
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You want velociraptors? You got velociraptors.
At least I think you go velociraptors. Maybe velociraptors cross-bred with Furbies? Whatever they are, don’t bother hiding in the kitchen. They’ll find you.
Yeah, I dunno, Science Museum. I’m chalking this one up for Natural History. You can’t just 3D print anything you want. It’s a dinosaur, not a pancreas.
Unleash the plagues of Egypt! Wait – those are locusts? They’re actually beautiful.
EW! That’s one more for Natural History. That locust is holding a mouse like a recalcitrant toddler being dragged away for nap time.
Alright, Science: did you bring insect repellent?
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Okay, now this is getting too educational. Now I’m picturing Oscar Wilde shooting a musket at the gigantic mosquitoes from Jumanji.
You took over half the world with those?
You know you’re winning when you offer a rebuttal and plug your own show in 140 characters or less.
But the Natural History Museum isn’t done yet…
Aha! The Cowardly Lion can’t catch the Wizard of Oz.
“We are legion. We do not forgive. We do not forget. Expect us to bite you.” – Flea Anonymous.
Don’t flee just yet: the battle is still on.
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Wait, they have bamboo flea traps? How do I make one?! …I mean… I don’t… need that. *Scratches*
I guess it took too long for Natural History to respond, because Science tried to prematurely declare victory here.
But the Natural History museum still had their 10,000 eyes on the prize.
I see your hearing aid, and I raise you the largest living land mammal. That’s a fair fight.
What? I thought rugby was like football but for drunk Australians? There’s still so much I don’t know.
Good thing this brain fight is everlasting.
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I don’t get the reference. I saw Free Willy once though.
If this is a whale fight, nobody’s gonna top the Blue Whale (da ba de da ba di).
Alright. It was a fair fight. It’s time to send this one to the judges. But first things first…